My struggle with postpartum anxiety
Oof, this one is hard to write. I hate reliving the emotions, but at the same time, I know that sharing our vulnerabilities can bring so much good. It’s not always easy, but I hope my story can help someone else who might be going through something similar.
Let me give you some context. I’ve always been the “type A” personality with a bit of anxiety thrown in. I used to manage it by controlling things, keeping busy, and running (I’ll share more on my running journey another time). Then March 2020 came along…and well, if you remember what was happening at that time, you know how that went. I had just miscarried our first pregnancy (early on) and, shortly after, found out I was pregnant with William. I spent that time feeling terrified to be pregnant while also running around like a maniac trying to navigate the craziness of the real estate market during the pandemic.
Fast forward to December 2020, when I finally gave birth to William. It was better than I could have ever imagined. The birth went smoothly, he was healthy, and we were so happy to finally have him. Josh and I decided to have a week of just the three of us before any family visits. It felt like the perfect start… until it wasn’t.
The Turning Point
Nine days after giving birth, I began hemorrhaging. It was pretty severe, and I was rushed to the hospital. Because of Covid restrictions, I had to go alone. I lost a lot of blood and ended up blacking out after a “code blue” was called. I’ll spare you the crazy details, but after an emergency surgery and a 24-hour hospital stay, I fought to get home. All I wanted was to be with my baby.
The recovery process was harder than I anticipated. I felt physically drained, emotionally raw, and still didn’t want to admit how far from “normal” I really was.
Struggling in Silence
I tried too hard to get back to my pre-baby life. I went back to work too soon—before I was ready, physically or mentally. I said “yes” to way too many things. Josh and I decided to dive into growing our real estate portfolio, purchasing an investment property and turning it into an Airbnb. Meanwhile, I was burning out, but I didn’t listen to my body.
One day, I came home and could no longer keep up the façade of being the “perfect wife” and “perfect mom.” I turned to Josh and said, “I want to leave. I know this feeling isn’t right, but I want to leave you, William, and everything. I want to go to Kansas.” Why Kansas? I have no idea. It just felt like the place my mind was telling me to go.
Asking for Help
Thankfully, Josh didn’t brush it off. He knew it was time to call in the professionals. But finding a therapist who specialized in postpartum issues was not easy. I called multiple places, only to be told they were booked or didn’t have the right specialists available. It was exhausting, and I was about to give up—something I know so many others experience when they’re seeking help. But having a supportive community around me is what kept me going.
True to form, I overcommitted and started meeting with multiple therapists. I had a hard time “divorcing” one of them, so I just kept going. Each therapist had a different approach, which, surprisingly, was helpful. One therapist let me cry it out. I would walk into her office, and the tears just flowed. It was so relieving to finally vocalize my struggles and hear that what I was feeling was, in fact, common.
The other therapist gave me practical tools to cope. When I’d have intrusive thoughts, she taught me to count and track how long the thoughts lasted. This helped me break the cycle of anxiety and snap out of it faster than I had been able to on my own.
Understanding Postpartum Anxiety
What surprised me most during therapy was learning that what I was going through was actually quite common. I never thought of myself as depressed because I wasn’t “sad” or tired—I was just anxious. It felt like I was drowning, like I was suffocating under a pile of expectations and responsibilities.
Being alone a lot during this time didn’t help. Community is everything, and during that difficult season, I learned just how vital it is to have people around you who can relate, support, and listen. Having a strong support system made all the difference in my healing process.
Final Thoughts
Postpartum anxiety (and depression) is a journey I never expected, but I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned along the way. If you’re reading this and feeling the weight of your own postpartum struggles, please know that you’re not alone. Help is out there, and it’s okay to ask for it. You don’t have to carry the weight of motherhood on your own. Your health and well-being matter.
Where to Find Help
I want to take a moment to share something that is making an impact, and I hope it might help someone reading this: Pine Rest’s Mother-Baby Program. Located in Michigan, it offers a unique approach where you can bring your baby with you and receive treatment during the day while returning home at night. If you know anyone who’s pregnant or in the postpartum season and could use some support, I highly recommend this program.
Learn more about the Mother-Baby Program here.
If you’re looking for a place to donate or volunteer, this is an incredible resource to support. We need more programs like this across the country.
Recommendations Local to Colorado:
https://www.integrativepathwayscounseling.com/aboutme
Red Rocks Church also has an amazing directory of local places to find assistance here: https://www.redrockschurch.com/resources/counseling/
With Love, Chloe
Kranz Co. Life in Bloom 
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