Kranz Co. Life in Bloom

A month from now, we’ll be meeting our third baby boy.

And if I’m being completely honest, I can’t fully grasp how I feel about that.

Physically, I feel stretched thin. I’m tired. My hips hurt. It’s summer, it’s hot, and everything feels a little harder these days. At the same time, I’m still trying to stay active, soak up summer with my boys, and make as many memories as possible before life changes again.

Mentally, I feel a little all over the place.

Part of me feels unprepared, which creates some anxiety. The to-do list is still longer than I’d like it to be. Every now and then I convince myself that if I order one more baby item or find the perfect going-home outfit, maybe I’ll suddenly feel ready or more excited. But I don’t think that’s really what I’m looking for.

What’s interesting is that this time around, I’m not nearly as worried about the big brothers.

I’ve seen this transition before. I know how deeply I love my boys, and I know they know that too. This baby won’t change that. If anything, one of the things I’m most excited about is watching their relationship with their little brother unfold. There is something really special about seeing siblings become friends.

What I’ve realized, though, is that I don’t experience pregnancy the way some women do.

I’m not naturally gushy or overly emotional. With both of my other boys, it took time for me to bond with them after they were born. Not because they weren’t wanted. Not because they weren’t loved. But because I needed to meet them.

I needed to learn their personality.

I needed to hold them, care for them, and walk through the adjustment of becoming their mom before that deep connection really took root.

And maybe that’s okay.

This baby is so wanted. He is such a gift. I cannot wait to meet him.

But I’m also nervous.

Nervous about labor. Nervous about timing. Nervous about all the things that are completely outside of my control.

As I write this, I think what I’m realizing is that there isn’t one right way to feel a month before having a baby.

Some moms feel an immediate connection to the life growing inside them. Some feel that connection grow over time. Some feel overwhelmingly excited. Some feel anxious. Most probably feel a mix of everything.

Maybe that’s where I am.

Excited. Nervous. Grateful. Anxious. Ready. Not ready.

All at the same time.

And maybe that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

For now, I’ll keep checking things off the to-do list, soaking up time with my boys, and trying not to pee my pants every time I sneeze.

A month from now, we’ll get to meet the little boy who has already changed our family, and I have a feeling he’ll be worth every bit of the waiting.

Xo – Chloe

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